A Down-to-Earth Version of Three Fairy Tales Retold
Written by AK not AI
By Angeline Koh, February 2001
~ Published in The Sunday New Paper, February 4, 2001 ~
Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, and Grumpyrella (Cinderella’s ugly step sister) then and now 🤣
Once upon a time, as every fairy tale has to begin, Sleeping Beauty, Cinderella, Grumpyrella (Cinderella’s ugly stepsister), and Mrs. Beast (aka Beauty) now in their mid-forties met at a reunion party. Sleeping Beauty (who isn’t quite the Beauty when she’s asleep) slept through the party (as expected) while the rest told their stories.
The most elated was Cinderella. Recently married, she exclaimed. “Life begins at forty,” flashing her two-carat diamond ring. “I should have listened to fairy God-ma and gone to the ball a long time ago! I never thought life could be this fun!”
“Hey, what about you Sleeping Beauty? When are you going to get up and find a life?” Cinderella asked as she nudged Sleeping Beauty.
“Zzzzzz…” came the silent reply.
“What life?” griped Grumpyrella (who really isn’t all that ugly but suffered a poor sense of self esteem). Grumpyrella is now the not-quite-Mrs Glass-Slipper Bearer. (I say she is “not-quite” since she is neither actually single nor absolutely married to Bearer – or him to her for that matter.) With her biological clock fast ticking away, she settled for the next best moving thing she could get her hands on, thinking she could never be good enough for any prince. It didn’t occur to her that there really was more than one prince charming around.
“Live with me,” Bearer had persuaded her, it all sounded so romantic – “nobody gets married these day. What difference does a piece of paper make anyway?” (They didn’t call him Slippery for nothing.) All his sweet nothings – they were really sweet nothings. Her best-of-both-worlds arrangements didn’t turn out to be quite the best of both worlds. “Freedom,” if that’s what you want to call it has its price tag. She was never sure if they were in or out of the relationship – she was never sure when he would leave should the next sweet thing for him turn up or when they had another fight.
Reality sunk in – no more Cinderella to wash all her dirty linens – Grumpyrella was neither free to move about like the real singles, nor was she spared the laundry, cooking and cleaning (and she thought she could escape the responsibilities of a married person.) They all felt sorry for her but neither dared say anything.
“Behave yourselves,” Mrs Beast (aka Beauty, now 10 kilos later) broke the awkward silence as she swatted her youngest. He was pulling his sister’s hair, which sent her yelling her head off again. There were days when she discovered how she could really live up to her new name (i.e. Mrs Beast). After all, one must empathize – what with a mind-of-his-own teenager and two young energizers running around.
Sleeping Beauty in character slept right through the noise.
Cinderella still starry-eyed (but with some wrinkles and eye bags around her eyes) was quite thankful for not having to manage the children. “I’ve done enough of the care giving,” she said as she recalled how she had to do the dishes and the laundry and the marketing and anything else in between for the four grown up children (i.e. her stepmother and three not-really-ugly ugly stepsisters).
“‘Enough is enough.’ God-ma always said. ‘When are you going to stop playing mummy to them – they should be responsible for their own lives… And you my dear, need to get on with your own life!’ ” Cinderella recollected.
“Well, have you been able to forgive them and let go of the past?” Mrs Beast asked. “I mean, they really didn’t treat you too well.”
“I’ve stopped blaming Ma and Pa and Grumpyrella and Crumps and Stumps for all my misery. We just have our share of dysfunction (just like every other family we know.)” admitted Cinderella. “I was as much responsible – they continued to let me serve them since I gave them the idea that I was ever so willing and happy being a slave. I really have God-ma to thank. If she ever ran out of magic, she could make quite a good therapist actually!”
“Happily ever after…” They all pondered. There was a moment of silence between them. Sleeping Beauty slept on, Grumpy grumbled and mumbled to herself – no more Cinderella. They all thought deep and hard.
“How’s it like living with Beast anyway?” Grumpyrella broke the silence, hoping to find someone half as miserable as she was.
“As you recall, he turned out to be quite the prince. We’ve had our bad days – but by and large, he is really the sweetest. Since I knew him as the beast, nothing quite surprises me when he gets a little beastly now and then. We all do that sometimes – minor flaws to an otherwise really nice person. I couldn’t be happier.”
“Lucky for you Beauty,” thought Grumpyrella enviously.
“There’s may be a prince in every beast, but there definitely is a beast in every princess!” laughed Beauty. They laughed at her insight. “He still thinks I’m the greatest.”
“Are you ready honey?” called Prince (Cinderella’s Prince that is) “It’s almost midnight. It’s not like our carriage is going to turn into a pumpkin but we really ought to be going.” Cinderella grabbed her handbag, flashed her two-carat and hurried off with Prince. “Good night every one.” She turned and winked at her friends. You could see from the lilt in her walk how thrilled she was at her catch.
“Till the next reunion everyone. It was fun seeing you all.” Waved Mr & Mrs Beast as the family of five left. ”We’ll do it again next year!”
Grumpyrella went home alone.
Sleeping Beauty slept on.
And so they lived happily ever after… somewhat. 🤣