4 things I’m learning about self care
I meant to write something light-hearted today but I happened to have chats or face-to-face conversations with four different groups of friends in the last three days. They are not connected with each other yet we all share one thing in common:
We are all caregivers in our 50s and 60s.
A 2023 Straits Times article (link below) says caregivers in Singapore average 62 years in age. One in four are caregiving alone 😢, and they have been doing it an average of 10 years 😫. My friends and I fit in the demographics. That’s rather depressing 😔.
What’s ahead for us? And is there hope? My heart goes out to the loners who straddle between caregiving and trying to make ends meet. Mostly we don’t feel we do a good job of either.
Taking care of 93-year-old mum can be tiring. Right now, we are in a good place. She needs attention but we are not in a “crisis.” I remember when she fell during the lockdown. That was scary! Things are always in a flux.
Here’s what I am learning about self care.
1. Learning to take care of myself. I say “learn” because self care does not come without thoughtful intention. It’s just easier to keep the caregiving machinery going. That’s mostly because I am just too tired to think. It’s a lot of trial and error. How can I make spaces for myself creatively?
2. Learning to care for my body: eating healthy, sleeping enough, and moving my body. Most of us are caring for our elders because their hips or knees have given way. My head and torso sit on my hips and two legs. As my doctor friend says: we are not just a brain walking around! I want to be mobile till the end of my life. I need to MOVE! And now. Every day.
3. Learning to be a better friend. Some of my friends are really hurting. I feel for them. Caring for them helps me take my eyes off myself. Cultivating friendships is not a luxury. Sometimes our families may not be there like we wish. God did not create us to be alone. Even introverts need friends.
Keep my eyes on HOPE.
4. Learning experientially: Christ in me the hope of glory.
I pray that from his glorious, unlimited resources he will empower you with inner strength through his Spirit. Then Christ will make his home in your hearts as you trust in him. Your roots will grow down into God’s love and keep you strong. – Ephesians 3:16-17, TLB
Read the study – Caregivers in Singapore
- Significant share of caregivers to elderly face health woes themselves. (Duke-NUS study)
- The study found that the average age of caregivers is 62 years. Almost three in four caregivers are women.
- A total of 73 per cent of the caregivers are children or children-in-law of the person they are looking after, while 23 per cent are spouses. The rest include siblings and grandchildren.
- About one in three of the caregivers have never been married.
- About one in four caregivers cared for their loved one alone, without help from any other person.
- Caregivers spent an average of 33 hours a week on caregiving, which is almost as long as the hours spent on a full-time job.
- Caregivers have spent an average of 10 years looking after their loved one who needs care.
- Only 27 per cent of caregivers worked in companies that offer eldercare leave. This is typically two days of parent care leave a year, in addition to the staff’s leave entitlement.
For the full article: https://www.straitstimes.com/singapore/significant-share-of-caregivers-to-elderly-face-health-woes-themselves-duke-nus-study