Do I know you?

A new mother

The mother I know today and the mother I grew up with from ages 10 to 50+ are two entirely different persons. Mum for a long time would have outburst of rant and rage. I resented her. I, of course, had my own issues to deal with. Some of my closest friends from long ago are amazed at the new mother I have.

As and when I will slowly unpack some of our history and the events that brought about the changes I see today. It’s nothing short of many miracles. A testament of God’s amazing grace in both our lives. It did not happen overnight. The changes came at a cost. I want to share this part of our story because I see many hurting parent-adult child relationships.

For many years I tried so hard to win her love and approval. I could do ten things for her. All I needed was to get just one thing wrong and it would erase all the nine things that I got right.

God can change the trajectory of a relationship gone terribly wrong.

Mum was a caregiver five times. She took care of:

1. her mother (maternal grandmother),
2. her adopted sister (aunt) who was autistic,
3. her stroke/dementia husband (dad),
4. daughter (sister) who had lupus for twenty years,
5. and for a short time her mother-in-law (paternal grandmother).

The caregiving was long drawn. Now and again there were short caregiving crisis. The caregiving took place one after another and/or simultaneously over about 30-40 years. It didn’t help that the three of us were active, mischievous, growing up children. To add on to all this, she was also holding a full-time 8-to-5 job till she retired at 50 when her mother had a fall and broke her hip.

Now that I am a caregiver myself, I see her with greater understanding, compassion, and appreciation. Of course what I am sharing is a sweeping explanation that barely touches the many layers of complexities, personal choices, family dynamics, and circumstances. I understand the tremendous stress and strain she was under. It explains a lot of the rage she lashed out on all of us. She barely had me-time.

If I were in her shoes, I would be an even more horrible person than she was!

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come. 

– 2 Corinthians 5:17, ESV