A photo album for Mum
Most elderly Chinese avoid talking about death and end-of-life matters. They say it’s pantang (taboo), sway (bad luck). Adult children dare not raise the subject because our elders may feel we want to “get rid” of them or are after their property. Sometimes there are cracks in relationships that make it hard to talk about. Maybe it’s the fear of death.
He couldn’t argue with her any more. 😂 “He bodoh already.” (He is dull already).
Some years ago, I went to Aunty Evelyn’s wake. It was one of the most meaningful wakes I had ever been to. She prepared her own funeral service.exactly how she wanted it: the clothes she wanted to wear, hymns she wanted sung, photos for the display table and hearse, obituary, list of people to call, etc.
I’ve journeyed with family and friends as they grieve the death of loved ones and friends, close and distant. I came away with this:
Love them while they are living.
Mum and I express our love for each other in action and in words. At first it was awkward but with practise, we become more comfortable and fluent. Even our helper is part of the conversation. Since mid 2024, I put together a photo album for Mum. I see many slideshows during wakes to honour our loved ones. I thought to myself:
Mum should see her own pictures.
I am the family historian. I’ve been digitalising our family photos over many years. It’s passionate, disciplined, hard work. And it’s expensive. I selected Mum’s photos and printed hard copies. There’s even one of her at age three (?)!
Mum can still give a smart Alice (her name is Alice) 🤣 rebuttal when I tease her. I believe she has many more years yet to live but it’s a slow letting go for me as I see her memories fade year by year. Hey! She’s 93! She’s allowed to forget. I forget things too! When she saw the photos, she said,
- Wow! If I didn’t see this, I would have forgotten about this!
- Where did you find this?
- Is this me?
Upon you I have leaned from before my birth; you are he who took me from my mother’s womb.
My praise is continually of you.
Do not cast me off in the time of old age; forsake me not when my strength is spent.
– Psalm 71:6,9, ESV