Choreographing closure with our aging parents
Yesterday, my friend HWL sent me this message: Brought dad for his physio today after 3 weeks away from it. His reward after is a cup of kopi with small bites. Today he had carrot cake and siew mai. Hvg dinner with his sis together later. My aunt stays a few blocks from him.
Last month, CN sent me this: I am well just very busy cos settling my mum and the helper. Some Sundays I have to bring her to church cos maid takes a day off twice a month. Plus her medical appointments.
ML, MH, and MC also care for their elderly mum. They themselves have their own health challenges. SL and her sisters take care of both elderly parents. It is a juggle managing each parent’s preferences and many medical appointments. CB looks after her mother who has dementia while she tries to keep a job and take part time classes.
70+year old PL looked after her 100+ year old mother who was blind and hard on hearing. PL herself is also unwell. After her mother passed on, PL had a fall. Now she herself is cared for by her mother’s helper.
JH is married. She lives walking distance from her elderly mum to take care of her. I’m sure it must not be easy being a wife and a daughter.
BL lives with his widowed mum while his wife LL lives with her widowed mum. Both elderly mums have had falls. Other medical conditions make it necessary to make this arrangement. They are back to their dating days again. BL says cheekily, “once in a while I sleep over.” π€«
RB takes care of her 94-year-old mum. Aunty N is my mother’s tachi (ε€§ε§ elder sister). They play RummyO with each other every week. RB’s bro flies in from the west twice a year to spend two weeks with his mother. Kudos to him! It gives RB a break from caregiving.
I am an avid cheerleader of caregivers who put their own lives on hold to care for their elderly. It is a neither here nor there world. Many are involuntary caregivers. I began as one who did not volunteer but that has changed. My journey has been one of struggle and growth. We have crossed many hurdles and bumpy parts in our relationship. Caregiving has become a place of enjoyment and pleasure.
All through my growing up and adult years, I never saw eye-to-eye with mum. One of these days, I will share what it took for both mum and I to come to this place. The biggest for me was learning forgiveness and getting over my resentment. I am grateful that mum and I have become companion and friend. It is a miracle and comes only by the grace and help from God.
In the Ten Commandments, the first three have to do how to relate rightly with God. The fourth tells us how to keep the Sabbath. It is a day of rest from all our work to cultivate our relationship with God.
The fifth to tenth commandments have to do with how to relate with people. Of all human relationships, God has a special heart for parents. The 5th commandment comes with a special promise of blessing.
βHonour your father and motherββ which is the first commandment with a promise β βso that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.” β Ephesians 6:2-3